Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Tue Aug 28, 2018 10:42 am

Jaid wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 5:13 am
a nice addition. gotta say, those storage vaults seem rather excessively well defended for just regular goods... which sounds like just the sort of thing to pique the interest of adventurers, pirates, and thieves. it's funny how something so simple can be used as an adventure hook if you feel so inclined :)
Storage vaults are meant to hold things like gems, magic, embarrassing documents, etc. Fodder for say a heist-style adventure...;)

anyways, as far as proofreading, looks like you were fully alert when you wrote up icecap. all i've got is an instance of undiir that should be undiin in the second paragraph :)
Awesome! :) Your proofreading has helped greatly! :)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sat Sep 08, 2018 2:27 am

Not a big updated, but I added a section called "the Wintergulf" under Whyst (since I didn't reserve a post for it). Basically the space between the last planet (Whyst) and the spherewall. At first I was going to just note it being a favored spot for kindori pods to gather & mate, but then decided to add a bit of conflict there. Giant space whales would naturally attract whalers. And to combat whalers, I added whale-riding barbarians. For funzies, I made the barbarians a rather nasty sort, employing all manner of undead magic. So basically LE/NE whalers vs CN/CE barbarians. ;)

I'll expand Port Ice a bit later. And add more notes on the mochians. Need more villains for this sphere! :D
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sat Sep 08, 2018 7:38 pm

<sigh>Greatest challenge when writing - creating something as just "hey, I need something vaguely interesting here" and then it turns out cooler than you anticipated, turning what should have been a 2-3 page filler into something much bigger. Keep running into that with this project.

In this case, Cape Ice. Adding a couple of inns just so PCs have a place to sleep. Only one inn started off small (1 paragraph) and now I want to blow it up into a full 1-2 page treatment.

And its not like Cape Ice was supposed to be a major stopover, either.

32 pages...that's what I guessed to be this little book. 32. Its now pushing 37, with at least two more moons of Ryme, Ryme itself, Radole, and Whyst left to go. I'll be lucky to keep it under 64. I wonder if Greenwood ever had this problem.
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sat Sep 08, 2018 10:18 pm

Cape Ice posted. Really liked how Hammerfell Hall turned out. I'm just befuddled how I started off with a semi-evil, Zhentil Keep lite place in my head and ended up with something more fun and less evil, is beyond me. Or how it turned into nearly 3,000 words, either. Yesh.
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Jaid » Wed Sep 12, 2018 9:09 am

heh, took my time getting around to this i'm afraid, but anyways, here it is.

i have to say, i like the location. i don't know if PCs will need to come to it too often, unfortunately, but then you never know :)


The Wintergulf:

looks good until paragraph 5: "skirts the spherewall at a distance of about 5 million miles, sweeping into the inner system once a decade that brings it to a point just outside the orbit of Radole" (would suggest adding '...in an orbit that brings it to a point...'

"The whalers care only for money their hunts can bring them and little else." (care only for the money)

paragraph 6: "...than to risk sever damage..." (severe)

Cape Ice, paragraph 2: "They are whalers, operating six to eight vessels that hunt in packs of two to four ships. Modified lampreys are most common, along with dragonflies and a pair of wasps." (if there are 6-8 vessels, 2 are wasps, and dragonflies are more common than wasps, that leaves at best 3 lampreys, 3 dragonflies, and 2 wasps... making lampreys not the most common. i think you need to make that fleet larger :P ).
this second paragraph might be a handy place to tie cape ice to other planets; loads of whale hide? sounds like you could turn it into hide armour and sell it to the planet full of constantly warring underwater nations (RL whale hide is apparently not great for that sort of thing, but cheap armour in large quantities may be exactly what sells). not sure what they'd get back, unless you liked the super ice i mentioned, in which case the whalers could use that to preserve their catch (both from the kindori and any scavvers - don't void scavvers have high quality meat?). i do like that you have kindori bones being used for what looks like it would need to be flexible rigging you see all over the place in spelljammer.

paragraph 3: "This every-changing body..." (ever-changing)

"...avoid getting into fight with sailors of merchant vessels..." (fights, not fight)

frostpebble beach: "...can make landfall with and acceptable risk to damage to the ship..." ('an' acceptable risk 'of' damage to the ship)

captain's hall: "...where the Council of Captain’s holds court." (captains plural, not possessive)

"...a round of ales before..." (i believe in this instance, the plural of ale is still ale. ales would be like if there were different kinds of ale being brewed somewhere, then you would say "this brewery produces many different ales".

"Ptahian Temple" (not sure if 'Ptahian' is an established use, but it doesn't sound quite right. if it isn't an established thing, i'm going to vote for maybe Ptahvian instead :P )

the slippery scavver: "...where whalers brawl, drank ale, and..." (drink)

hammerfell hall, the place: "Next to the hammer is a circular clearing with a flitter and a pilot, a half-orc named Rossfield. For a fee of 1 s.p. he will ferry up to six individuals to the Inn, a trip that takes but a few minutes. Rossfield likes to chew on foul-smelling cigars." (from what i recall of the description of flitters, 6 people is likely much too generous. in any event, if you're looking for very small, faster ships that are good with non-magical engines, i believe the catamaran would do this job better with its exceptional SR in situations where it is close to other objects, without always resorting to flitters for that purpose. although i don't think that will move 6 people at a time either, or at least not remotely comfortably :P
the prospect, paragraph 2: "...their services can be obtained to “keep ye bed warm”..." (yer, unless that's a deliberate misuse).

"They cannot start fires, damage the flora, not cast damaging spells..." (you're listing things they cannot do, not cast damaging spells is a double negative ;) )

the provender: "It is best enjoyed at night..." (it's a ship. in space. there isn't really day or night. i mean, i've been considering it to be a handy repurposing of the word in other places, like the time where everyone goes to sleep on the comet is night as a matter of convenience, but here it makes no sense).

last paragraph: "He underestimated her, and with overpowered the exhausted warpriest..." ('with' ==> 'she'?)

there you go :)

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:42 pm

Jaid wrote:
Wed Sep 12, 2018 9:09 am
heh, took my time getting around to this i'm afraid, but anyways, here it is.
Not like I'm holding to some sort of schedule myself ;)
i have to say, i like the location. i don't know if PCs will need to come to it too often, unfortunately, but then you never know :)
Unless they work for a merchant who makes regular stops ;)

The Volo Guides do seem to have tons of locales that are like "who would go there" but then again, adventurers do gravitate to out-of-the-way locales :D

Cape Ice, paragraph 2: "They are whalers, operating six to eight vessels that hunt in packs of two to four ships. Modified lampreys are most common, along with dragonflies and a pair of wasps." (if there are 6-8 vessels, 2 are wasps, and dragonflies are more common than wasps, that leaves at best 3 lampreys, 3 dragonflies, and 2 wasps... making lampreys not the most common. i think you need to make that fleet larger :P ).
Good point. Bumped to a dozen.
this second paragraph might be a handy place to tie cape ice to other planets; loads of whale hide? sounds like you could turn it into hide armour and sell it to the planet full of constantly warring underwater nations (RL whale hide is apparently not great for that sort of thing, but cheap armour in large quantities may be exactly what sells). not sure what they'd get back, unless you liked the super ice i mentioned, in which case the whalers could use that to preserve their catch (both from the kindori and any scavvers - don't void scavvers have high quality meat?). i do like that you have kindori bones being used for what looks like it would need to be flexible rigging you see all over the place in spelljammer.
The rigging idea was Paul W's, not mine. Credit where credit is due.
"Ptahian Temple" (not sure if 'Ptahian' is an established use, but it doesn't sound quite right. if it isn't an established thing, i'm going to vote for maybe Ptahvian instead :P )
I've fine with Ptahvian.
hammerfell hall, the place: "Next to the hammer is a circular clearing with a flitter and a pilot, a half-orc named Rossfield. For a fee of 1 s.p. he will ferry up to six individuals to the Inn, a trip that takes but a few minutes. Rossfield likes to chew on foul-smelling cigars." (from what i recall of the description of flitters, 6 people is likely much too generous. in any event, if you're looking for very small, faster ships that are good with non-magical engines, i believe the catamaran would do this job better with its exceptional SR in situations where it is close to other objects, without always resorting to flitters for that purpose. although i don't think that will move 6 people at a time either, or at least not remotely comfortably :P
Not exactly meant to be comfortable. I really see this particular flitter having a pair of benches in which passengers face one another, three abreast. The trip is only a couple of minutes so comfort isn't much of an issue. Although given the presence of so many dragonflies & wasps, I suppose a mosquito makes more sense.
the provender: "It is best enjoyed at night..." (it's a ship. in space. there isn't really day or night. i mean, i've been considering it to be a handy repurposing of the word in other places, like the time where everyone goes to sleep on the comet is night as a matter of convenience, but here it makes no sense).
Cleaned up the wording to be:
It is best enjoyed at night, when the inn drifts into Cape Ice’s shadow. In such dim light, the wine glows very softly with its own radiance, and should be sipped slowly.
there you go :)
Thanks! :)

I'll be posting a section on the mochians soon :D
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Thu Sep 13, 2018 12:33 am

OK, section on the mochians has been added to Wintergulf. The basic gist is these are kindori-riding barbarians. I included them as an adversary to the whalers of Cape Ice. I considered various options, but settled on barbarians. I wanted to avoid the guys opposing whalers being the good guys, so I opted for a bunch of savage barbarians just as likely to attack anybody. But they can be reasoned with, and even traded with, under the right circumstances. I also gave them a somewhat unique appearance and abilities.

Enjoy! :)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by GMWestermeyer » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:26 pm

night_druid wrote:
Thu Sep 13, 2018 12:33 am
OK, section on the mochians has been added to Wintergulf. The basic gist is these are kindori-riding barbarians. I included them as an adversary to the whalers of Cape Ice. I considered various options, but settled on barbarians. I wanted to avoid the guys opposing whalers being the good guys, so I opted for a bunch of savage barbarians just as likely to attack anybody. But they can be reasoned with, and even traded with, under the right circumstances. I also gave them a somewhat unique appearance and abilities.

Enjoy! :)
I love how you took n=the kindori riders idea from the books and ran with it, and the twist that they are not 'goo guys' is awesome.

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:40 pm

GMWestermeyer wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:26 pm
I love how you took n=the kindori riders idea from the books and ran with it, and the twist that they are not 'goo guys' is awesome.
As far as I know, nobody has ever really touched on Kindori Riders, so it's a fairly green field and ripe for exploration. :mrgreen:

They're not good guys, certainly. They're modeled somewhat after the Uthgardt of the Forgotten Realms, worshiping a Great Dreamer-type deity. But they don't necessarily bad guys, either. More CN than I originally intended at the onset. Oh, and the mental image of ghostly space-critters being used as shock troops is too awesome to not use. Getting your ship battered by a kindori is bad enough; to have it battered by a ghost kindori is even worse! :D

Might have to do a "Kraken's Guide to Wildspace Beasts" before I'm done with this line. ;)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Lord Torath » Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:04 am

night_druid wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:40 pm
Might have to do a "Kraken's Guide to Wildspace Beasts" before I'm done with this line. ;)
And that's how you go from a paragraph to 3000 words on a simple little inn! ;)

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:07 am

Lord Torath wrote:
Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:04 am
night_druid wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:40 pm
Might have to do a "Kraken's Guide to Wildspace Beasts" before I'm done with this line. ;)
And that's how you go from a paragraph to 3000 words on a simple little inn! ;)
This is a true statement. :P
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Mon Sep 17, 2018 12:17 am

Another weekend comes to a close with another update. This time, I tackle Radole. To be honest, I've been dreading this one. Radole is so mind-numbing boring as written. Basically, paradise sandwiched between a one-note frozen wilderness and a one-note desert. But when I looked up the source material on WIki (Radole, from the Foundation series), that at least gave me a spark to work with. Radole there was ran by merchants.

So the gist of my reworked Radole is that its still hard to get to, for slightly different reasons. The whole planet is ran by seven merchant houses, one per city (there are seven on the map, so thus seven cities/clans). The planet is not a perfect paradise, either. Instead, the people fear change. Its almost pathological, as in their world, there is no day and night, no seasons. Just an eternal dawn. So I see the people, or at least the peasants, as being extremely hide-bound and terrified by change. They exist in an almost dreamlike state. Change is unwelcomed, and the people are somewhat dull as a result.

The merchant-nobles, on the other hand, are shrewd, ruthless, and fairly major players in at the very least Winterspace, and likely have trade routes reaching into other spheres. Write-ups of them, and their home-cities, will be soon, even if it takes a while (I have to create seven city write-ups now!)

Hope that this version of Radole is appealing to DMs and players alike! :)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Jaid » Tue Sep 18, 2018 6:36 am

well, i have to say, it's feeling like winterspace is not a very pleasant place to be as this goes on :P

but then, who knows... maybe that's a trend deliberately encouraged by EIN agents who are trying to keep the orcs, goblins, kobolds, etc on armistice in the most isolated sphere they can manage... if there's a place that gets too hospitable, they might actually subtly discourage that place from prospering, perhaps by having fewer patrol ships nearby, spreading nasty rumours about it, or otherwise sabotaging it.

definitely a place where there's plenty of "problems" for do-gooders to try and fix (and of course, those in control will probably spend a great deal of effort trying to make sure nothing gets fixed, which provides plenty of opposition :P )



The Mochians: "the greatest concentration of the mochians is Winterspace" (is in Winterspace)

paragraph 2: "Mochian are largely human..." (Mochians)

"...with flicks of white..." (flecks?)

paragraph 7: "...“Black Moby”, often depicted as an enormous whale..." (should be a kindori i would presume, not a whale)

Tremortail, paragraph 2: "...for fear of causing said sow to attack the scavvers in fear of safety for its calf." (suggestion: use "to avoid" at the start instead of "for fear of" so you don't use fear twice in same sentence, though this is just personal preference)

paragraph 4: "Most of their heavy weapons have been salvaged from wrecked ships and thus is a mismatch of..." (pretty sure that should be "are a mismatch", although i'm not fond of mismatch... i would prefer mixture, combination, or perhaps assortment. in this case in particular, not having a matched set of ship weapons is fairly normal; many ships have 2 or more types of weapons anyways).

paragraph 5: "...least he decide to slay ye..." (lest, not least)

"...and keep ye wits." (yer)

"...this be a scro agent, festering hatred for the elves within the mochians." (fostering? festering is not a verb, it's an adjective, so that could be creating/growing/feeding/encouraging/etc a festering hatred if you did mean to use festering)


Radole

(i would note that life is probably possible in the other parts of radole, just not *human* life. and even then, potentially below ground. it would be kinda funny if you had a similar situation as the frozen ocean where the ports become valuable real estate not because they're the only place people can live, but because they're the only places that allow communication with people off-world... but then again, you've already written this world, would be a shame to start from scratch. maybe some other time, for some other world :P

paragraph 2: "...but include a fair number..." (includes)

"The total naval size..." (navy size i think. or possibly even "size of the navy")

"...have better have a very good reason..." (had better have)

paragraph 3: "...officials follow off-worlders, watching them intently for any excuse to lock up off-worlders." (again, personal preference. suggestion: finish with "lock them up" instead of "lock up off-worlders". as an additional side note, a slang name - probably not meant favourably by the locals - would really fit here for "off-worlders" i think)

paragraph 8: "...or at least heard of by reputation..." (or have at least)

"to peak the interests" (pique, not peak. one of the many words english has stolen, this one from the french word for prick, like pricking your finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel).

"...the Defense Fleet has caught wind to such scams are on the lookout..." (and are on the lookout)

paragraph 9: "...no structure allowed to rise more than a few feet over the horizon its shadow will obstruct..." (or its shadow)

"...to allow maximum amount of light..." (the maximum amount)

paragraph 10: "There a few ancient castles..." (There are a few)

"...can be very locative for said architects..." (lucrative)

paragraph 11: "...noble-merchant..." (you've used merchant-noble, and abbreviated as noble elsewhere. not sure if this is a deliberate reversal of the terms, or accidental, but i figured i'd mention it)

"Not that they have much a need..." (much of a need)

Nightside: "...mark of a three-pedal flower..." (petal, or maybe petaled.)

(pretty sure your second paragraph lost a line in between it and the first. in any event, i'll be counting that first block of text as paragraphs 1 and 2, so 3 is the one after the big initial block :P )

paragraph 2: "More than one ship has been wrecked trying to cross the mountains too low and got caught in a sudden downdraft." (this just... feels off. i can't quite put my finger on it. i *think* it would feel right if there was a "by" before "trying", but i'm still not quite sure... it feels like the way the verbs are conjugated in the first half doesn't match the way they're conjugated in the second half or something?)

paragraph 4: "...tunnels bore out..." (bored. also, remorhaz are a cold-loving tunneling wormlike creature iirc, though you may prefer weird purple worms regardless :P )

"...easier movement that crossing..." (than)

Sunside: "...at the portions closest to..." (suggestion: replace "portions" with "regions")

"...and in the portions of the desert that humans can endure, domesticated giant lizards." (suggest reversing the order here: "... and domesticated giant lizards in the portions [or regions] that humans can endure.")

paragraph 2: "The Sunside is the opposite of the Nightside, whereas the Nightside is cold and dark, the Sunside is bright and hot." (i think that first comma should be a period)

(steelback beetles might make a good source of armour for druids who can't wear metal :) )

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Tue Sep 18, 2018 9:20 am

Jaid wrote:
Tue Sep 18, 2018 6:36 am
well, i have to say, it's feeling like winterspace is not a very pleasant place to be as this goes on :P
Well, Kraken does tend to get into the seedier part of town, if it were. Still, if Winterspace was just a winter wonderland where all there's to do is see Elsa and sing "Let it Go", players would revolt! :)

The challenge has been that two of the three known worlds of Winterspace are already written, and both are fairly one-shot. I want to create a sphere that's a bit more dynamic than that. But with two VERY powerful navies in the sphere, traditional foes such as pirates and goblin-kin are sorta out. So I had to search for new areas of conflict to keep the sphere vibrant and interesting :)
but then, who knows... maybe that's a trend deliberately encouraged by EIN agents who are trying to keep the orcs, goblins, kobolds, etc on armistice in the most isolated sphere they can manage... if there's a place that gets too hospitable, they might actually subtly discourage that place from prospering, perhaps by having fewer patrol ships nearby, spreading nasty rumours about it, or otherwise sabotaging it.
The elves are newcomers to the sphere; Radole's history goes back 20,000 years. Radole is a trade hub of sorts (which is really hard to write around, given Radole's description in Practical Planetology). Whalers come and go, and the Mochians are common in Winterspace but are quite wide-spread (I envision them not unlike the Aperusa in the grand scheme of things).
definitely a place where there's plenty of "problems" for do-gooders to try and fix (and of course, those in control will probably spend a great deal of effort trying to make sure nothing gets fixed, which provides plenty of opposition :P )
Or those in the power might pay good money to those wanting some coin to maintain the status quo. ;)
Radole

(i would note that life is probably possible in the other parts of radole, just not *human* life. and even then, potentially below ground. it would be kinda funny if you had a similar situation as the frozen ocean where the ports become valuable real estate not because they're the only place people can live, but because they're the only places that allow communication with people off-world... but then again, you've already written this world, would be a shame to start from scratch. maybe some other time, for some other world :P
I really didn't "write" this world; I was working around Radole's description from Practical Planetology. Certainly could use such ideas elsewhere :)

<Rest just good editing to be applied when I have time :) >
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Jaid » Tue Sep 18, 2018 8:16 pm

oh, i get that this isn't a sphere that has always had an EIN presence. they pretty much picked that planet in that sphere specifically because it's an absolutely horrible place that no sane person would want to go to :P

i'm saying now that the EIN is here (and have been for at least a few centuries, can't recall how long ago the first unhuman war was), they might be subtly working to keep the sphere not very hospitable to strangers or do-gooders :P

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:30 pm

Are you guys ready for another update? I'm ready for another update. This time I added the city of Tyme to Radole. I'm thinking that each city will have 1) a ruling merchant family and 2) a theme. In this case, Tyme is the city of shipping and space traffic for Radole. Other themes will include a cattle town, a shou-like town, etc. The city is 3,200 words, which feels about right to me. One down, six more to go.

Oh, and there's a couple of footnotes regarding the "incident" at The Junction. I'm thinking the editor needs to be Ambra, a pixie fairy friend of Kraken to provide commentary on Kraken's BS. ;)

Let me know if you like this approach.

Footnotes:
1 If by “nothing to do with” means “everything to do with”, then yes, Kraken had nothing to do with it. I told him smuggling flying monkeys was a bad idea. Especially ones that had not been housebroken yet!
2 The hell I will!
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Jaid » Sat Oct 06, 2018 9:14 am

I like it, this definitely provides a reason for traffic to be passing through winterspace. a port that needs room for 50 ships (not including ships that land on land, such as their own fleet of wasps) is going to to involve a lot of ships traveling all over the place to bring them what they want. one thing i would consider adding: if this is the primary port for the planet, wouldn't that suggest that goods are commonly brought there, and then transported by other means to the other cities? (at the very least, the ones closes on either side, i would think). if so, that would imply they would need an area for ground-based transport as well. or perhaps a canal even (that would involve a lot of labour to build of course, but then, the entire planet speaks to a race having terraformed it to their desires. and who knows, maybe the lords of the various cities don't mind investing that amount of labour either).

also, given a ruling class of mages, it might be worth mentioning that some of the trade can be for more unusual things as well :P


anyways, as usual, proofreading:


Tyme, paragraph 1: "Tyme is the premiere ports..." (one of)

"The city docks are at the bottom of the holes." (either bottoms or hole, i think. based on later stuff, bottoms)

"...in almost as quick of time." (don't think quick of time is quite right. 'as short a time' is what i think this should be, but i'm not sure what you intended)

paragraph 2: "Of the cities of Radole..." (i think this isn't actually wrong, but my personal preference would be 'Of all the cities')

"...and the people the least likely..." (are the least likely)

paragraph 3: "It occupies a very large slope rising gradually towards the mountains on the Nightside, affording the most sunlight to its citizens." just a thought, but you could have a "slums" area where the undesirables are stuck living in the shadow side of the crater, with no sunlight. or not; plain old ordinary crushing poverty is probably dark enough figuratively without adding literal darkness. or of course, you could otherwise make use of it; perhaps there's a community of some race that dislikes bright sunlight (there are several that take penalties in bright light). perhaps the thieve's guild has a few hidden warehouses dug into the dark side of the crater, knowing that it's both right next to the city and yet not populated. on the other hand, glowmoss is a thing too ;)

Hrull Manor, paragraph two: "The Manor has at least six levels. Observant readers might recall I mentioned only three stories above..." (this shouldn't actually seem that weird, he already told us most buildings go underground... the precise nature of these particular stories is certainly unusual, just pointing out that this shouldn't necessarily cause any raised eyebrows initially)

"The Hrull family crypts is located..." (crypts are or crypt is)

paragraph 3: "...many guest chambers two separate kitchens..." (missed a comma)

The Junction, paragraph 3: "It used to be might lighter..." (i think might should be mite, and the expression is usually 'a mite'; google it and expand the definition that shows up to see what i mean :) )

"Ambra will certainly vouch for me! ’" (the floating apostrophe at the end)

Umberdeep Dock, paragraph 1: "...its walls are lined with reinforced walls of stone." (you know me and repeating words. i can't think of an appropriate direct replacement, but you could alter the sentence a little. for example: "...its walls are reinforced with stone." or "...its walls are lined with stone."

"A lake and piers at the bottom allows it..." (allow, i think)

"Dock rental rates at a flat fee..." (are a flat fee)

paragraph 2: "Warehouse space can be rented at a rate of 1 s.p. per ton per month..." (this is not strictly wrong, but i feel like i should point out that the merchant kit for warriors found in the spacefarer's handbook allows a merchant to trade for 1d6 gp per month per unit of goods they have... with one unit of goods taking up 1/10 of a ton. that's a minimum of 10 times their investment if they only have one unit, up to minimum 100 times their investment if they fill it, which seems a tiny bit generous). of course, on the other hand, that kit was also written by a person who in one place says they get their starting merchant goods in addition to their normal starting money, and then later reduces the amount, so... YMMV on that one i guess :P )

"Steel bars from Krynn are stored near shadowbrough timbers from Toril." (perhaps it's just me, but the idea of krynn exporting steel to anywhere just feels weird...)

paragraph 3: "The ramp circles Underdeep..." (Umberdeep)

The Wasp Nest, paragraph 1: "...so keep get what ye need..." (no keep)

Shops: moreso than usual, i would say that the kraken might want to point out that in a city with 100,000+ people, with docks for 50 merchant ships... well, you're not getting anything even remotely comprehensive here :)

The Scroll Caddy: "Tucked in the corner of Gorm Street and Bakers Street..." (Baker's)

"Prices are reasonable and a good way..." (are a good way)

Redd's meats: "Barrels of hardtack is also available..." (are also available)

Trill's Tallglasses: "Row upon row of wine racks holds..." (hold)

The Fat Giant: "...that serves a host of hot, spiced meats, warm breads, and..." (personal preference strikes again! specifically: because you're making a list, i would be inclined to remove the comma between hot and spiced. i don't think it's wrong, but it may cause a moment of confusion as people try to figure out how they sell hot ;) )

The Blind Blink Dog: "An unremarkable tavern with creaky, ancient furniture and serves..." (that serves)

A Gentle Spring: "...down the hall pass the guest rooms..." (past, not pass)

"for rooms that average to slightly above average." (are average to slightly above average)

Wormholes, The Place, paragraph 3: "Beyond the taproom is three round..." (are three round)

"The lantern can be shuttered to the comfort of the occupants." (doesn't quite sit right with me, i think mostly because contextually there can be only one occupant for the respective lantern. assuming that's what's bothering me, perhaps 'occupant(s)' would resolve it... but i'm not sure that's even necessary)

"...as well steam rooms for relaxing." (as well as)

on a side note: it feels weird to me that the place has continual light lanterns (which i'm presuming are being artificially dimmed, because it's normally explicitly bright) in each bedroom but doesn't seem to illuminate the taproom very well, which would be a simple matter of using continual light lanterns that are just not dimmed :P

Wormholes, The Prospect: "The staff is competent..." (are competent)

Wormholes, The Provender, paragraph 2: "...a wide variety of liberations available..." (libations)

"...from ale and beers to..." (ales and beers, unless you mean only one kind of ale but many kinds of beer)

"...save for Elverquist out of Evermeet, which the bartenders have a steady supply." (of which the bartenders)

(incidentally, given it's a cave, being popular with elves is slightly ironic ;) )

Wormholes, The Prices: (would make sense to list a price for Elverquist, considering they're explicitly noted for that ;) )

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night_druid
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sat Oct 06, 2018 10:27 am

Jaid wrote:
Sat Oct 06, 2018 9:14 am
I like it, this definitely provides a reason for traffic to be passing through winterspace. a port that needs room for 50 ships (not including ships that land on land, such as their own fleet of wasps) is going to to involve a lot of ships traveling all over the place to bring them what they want. one thing i would consider adding: if this is the primary port for the planet, wouldn't that suggest that goods are commonly brought there, and then transported by other means to the other cities? (at the very least, the ones closes on either side, i would think).
The other six cities get traffic, just not as much. Tyme might get say 40% of Radole's traffic (pulled that number out my rear), with the remaining 60% divided between the other cities. Something of that nature.

Radole is a royal pain, really. As written, it has this really powerful SJ fleet to protect it from Spelljamers, REALLY dislikes visitors and a bizarre legal system based more on social standing and avoiding breaking innumerable laws and social norms. Certainly a challenge to create a place that gives players a reason to want to visit, while putting up insane levels of road blocks preventing them visiting :p
if so, that would imply they would need an area for ground-based transport as well. or perhaps a canal even (that would involve a lot of labour to build of course, but then, the entire planet speaks to a race having terraformed it to their desires. and who knows, maybe the lords of the various cities don't mind investing that amount of labour either).
Well, I suppose they could easily use all those military ships to fly goods from the cities to the smaller cities, when not harassing honest businessmen like the Kraken ;) . One thing to consider regarding the canal: Radole is almost entirely land. There's no bodies of water larger than lakes. So I don't imagine Radollians have much nautical experience with boats larger than rowboats or canoes. Heck, if they hadn't written in Practical Planetology that the RDF has hammerships (likely purchased from off-worlders and not natively built), I'd limit them to ground-landing craft only.

<clip the edits>

Man that's a lot of edits! Thanks! It'll take a while to get updated but you guys are helping me make a better fan-book :)
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Jaid
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Jaid » Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:00 am

i don't think canals require a lot in the way of experience with boats... but sure, if you think the navy is up for being a merchant navy, that is a possibility :)

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:21 am

True. I do have a nice system of roads as well. I'm not entirely opposed to canals, honestly. Hell, I briefly considered a system of magical trains (but nothing as dramatic or elaborate as Eberron's train system). I'm open to anything, really.

I did have a really good day writing; got 2k words written on the next city, Eskiir! :) This one is easy to write; its going to be the magic city, with a more elaborate university, museums, libraries, a zoo, and tons of shops. And one angry Ambra. Landmarks part is done, as is the intro, so just shops/taverns/inns. This one will probably go 4k by the time I'm done. Got game tomorrow so maybe next weekend I'll have it up :)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Sat Oct 20, 2018 9:11 pm

Time for another update. This time its the city of Eskiir on Radole, a "mage city". Hope you enjoy the results :)

While this city was relatively easy to write, I got stuck on the taverns and last inn for a week due to outside forces eating up my time. I still like the results. And the name "Four Owlbears and a Bed" just sounds so D&Dish :)
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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by Lord Torath » Mon Oct 29, 2018 2:58 am

So do words written for this count towards NaNoWriMo if you write them in November?

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Re: Kraken's Guide to Winterspace

Post by night_druid » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:43 am

Lord Torath wrote:
Mon Oct 29, 2018 2:58 am
So do words written for this count towards NaNoWriMo if you write them in November?
I doubt it; its not really a "novel" per say, and for NaNoWriMo I think you have to start work in November and mostly confine it to that month. :)

I do appreciate that you think so highly of it! :)
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