Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

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Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by xoronthran » Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:50 am

Hello fellow Mystaraphiles. I have been struggling for a long time with guilty feelings whenever I spend time on D&D. My family, non-gaming friends and probably most of society don't have a high opinion of gaming and judge it as immature (Peter Pan syndrome?), a waste of time and only for losers. So I have hidden my "dirty habit" for a long time.

Just wondered if anyone else could relate their own experiences to this and perhaps how you have dealt with it.

Regards

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by ghendar » Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:06 pm

Guilty? :lol: Hell no!

At times in the past perhaps a little embarrassed but these days I really don't give a flying f*** what anyone thinks.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Sturm » Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:48 pm

You should consider that normally such low opinions on gaming come from people who love instead sports performed and discussed by people who act like such sports are really important stuff, rather than the silly games they are. Or from people who love reality shows and believe they are real and not scripted. If you think about it a moment, the opinions of such people hold no value.
It's just the perverse tendency of human groups to pick on those who do not conform to average customs and values. Yet if everyone in human history would have sticked to the average and behaved like all the others, humans would still be on trees.

So I would suggest to try to explain the game to anyone who is open minded and intelligent enough to understand, and dismiss the others.

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by agathokles » Mon Jul 24, 2017 3:03 pm

Sturm wrote:You should consider that normally such low opinions on gaming come from people who love instead sports performed and discussed by people who act like such sports are really important stuff, rather than the silly games they are. Or from people who love reality shows and believe they are real and not scripted. If you think about it a moment, the opinions of such people hold no value.
It's just the perverse tendency of human groups to pick on those who do not conform to average customs and values. Yet if everyone in human history would have sticked to the average and behaved like all the others, humans would still be on trees.

So I would suggest to try to explain the game to anyone who is open minded and intelligent enough to understand, and dismiss the others.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by religon » Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:49 pm

Sturm wrote:You should consider that normally such low opinions on gaming come from people who love instead sports performed and discussed by people who act like such sports are really important stuff, rather than the silly games they are. Or from people who love reality shows and believe they are real and not scripted. If you think about it a moment, the opinions of such people hold no value.
Generalizing or dismissing people based on their recreational interests seems a very weak argument in this case.

As for the OP, I would not over-think things. People will judge, but in the end it's about your happiness and satisfaction. Be open with people, cultivate a number of interests and you'll find people throughout life to share your interests.

Think about your non-gaming friends. You obviously have common interests with those people or you wouldn't be friends. I'm sure they have lots of interests that don't appeal to you, but you are still friends. Trust that they will do the same if they don't share your interests. People will surprise you in a good way.

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Yaztromo » Tue Jul 25, 2017 1:57 am

Sturm wrote:You should consider that normally such low opinions on gaming come from people who love instead sports performed and discussed by people who act like such sports are really important stuff, rather than the silly games they are. Or from people who love reality shows and believe they are real and not scripted. If you think about it a moment, the opinions of such people hold no value.
It's just the perverse tendency of human groups to pick on those who do not conform to average customs and values. Yet if everyone in human history would have sticked to the average and behaved like all the others, humans would still be on trees.

So I would suggest to try to explain the game to anyone who is open minded and intelligent enough to understand, and dismiss the others.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Cthulhudrew » Tue Jul 25, 2017 5:09 am

Growing up I did, certainly; it seems to me that in general there is a much more inclusive acceptance of it nowadays, though. It probably depends on where you are located, of course, and how much time you spend doing it. One approach to take in explaining it might be to emphasize how it is really collaborative storytelling, as opposed to a competitive gaming situation that other people might be more familiar with.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by willpell » Tue Jul 25, 2017 4:43 pm

Hobby gaming in general does trouble me; I think about how many third-world families could eat for how long on the amount of money that gets thrown into a Kickstarter board game, simply to fill it with cool minis, when carboard chits used to be entirely sufficient for the needs of old school gamers. However, D&D has never required minis (even at the height of Wotco insanity, they were never more than a strong recommendation; you could absolutely run 4E battles using a colored pawn for each PC and a penny or quarter for each monster), and the fact that you can get a hundred adventures out of one sourcebook means that I feel D&D has an extremely good return on investment, compared to other types of gaming.

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Yaztromo » Tue Jul 25, 2017 5:54 pm

willpell wrote:I think about how many third-world families could eat for how long on the amount of money that gets thrown into a Kickstarter board game, simply to fill it with cool minis, when carboard chits used to be entirely sufficient for the needs of old school gamers.
Do you have the same feelings when you buy a car, go to a concert, buy your shoes or groceries, etc. or it is different when you support a KS?
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Big Mac » Tue Jul 25, 2017 8:58 pm

I don't feel guilty for being involved in D&D.

I've had one friend say that I shouldn't be doing D&D, but I just mentally crossed her off of my "women I might marry one day" list and moved on. ;)
xoronthran wrote:My family, non-gaming friends and probably most of society don't have a high opinion of gaming and judge it as immature (Peter Pan syndrome?), a waste of time and only for losers. So I have hidden my "dirty habit" for a long time.
That's a shame. There are plenty of unpleasant things that people do to other people. Having fun with games isn't one of them.

Family: Well, you can't change your family, but you don't have to do what they want you to do. They should be glad you are not on drugs or in some sort of trouble.

Friends: Real friends are supportive. It's OK for friends to not share opinions on everything, but if you have friends who are constantly bugging you about anything (gaming or not) perhaps you should send less time with them and more time with friends who make you smile.

Most of society: Honestly, most of the time you hear the opinions of society (the so called "moral majority") it's someone claiming to represent other people. Forget about those sort of negative people. They complain about all sorts of things that other people do.

Are you hurting people? No. So, as long as you are living within your means and gaming on a budget that fits in with your lifestyle, I wouldn't worry about any of it.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Birchbeer » Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:11 pm

Big Mac wrote:I don't feel guilty for being involved in D&D.

I've had one friend say that I shouldn't be doing D&D, but I just mentally crossed her off of my "women I might marry one day" list and moved on. ;)
xoronthran wrote:My family, non-gaming friends and probably most of society don't have a high opinion of gaming and judge it as immature (Peter Pan syndrome?), a waste of time and only for losers. So I have hidden my "dirty habit" for a long time.
That's a shame. There are plenty of unpleasant things that people do to other people. Having fun with games isn't one of them.

Family: Well, you can't change your family, but you don't have to do what they want you to do. They should be glad you are not on drugs or in some sort of trouble.

Friends: Real friends are supportive. It's OK for friends to not share opinions on everything, but if you have friends who are constantly bugging you about anything (gaming or not) perhaps you should send less time with them and more time with friends who make you smile.

Most of society: Honestly, most of the time you hear the opinions of society (the so called "moral majority") it's someone claiming to represent other people. Forget about those sort of negative people. They complain about all sorts of things that other people do.

Are you hurting people? No. So, as long as you are living within your means and gaming on a budget that fits in with your lifestyle, I wouldn't worry about any of it.
Great post. I concur! Here's a thought on this from my own life; When I was growing up I had a lot of legos and DND books. My brother's friends pretty much shamed me into putting the legos down but they played DND so DND stayed with me.

Now many years later I've got a few kids and they all love legos and DND. Thankfully, though I stopped building with the legos for years, I kept my collection. My wife even likes building them too, so we do the bigger modular sets together. On the DND side my son creates various characters, my daughter is asking me about mythologies, gods, their alignments and memorizing the Monster Manual. As for me, my prefered mini's for DND combat are lego minis. I don't have to paint them and if folks want to customize I have enough minifigures they can mix and match till they get the character they want :)

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by timemrick » Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:14 am

Birchbeer wrote:Great post. I concur! Here's a thought on this from my own life; When I was growing up I had a lot of legos and DND books. My brother's friends pretty much shamed me into putting the legos down but they played DND so DND stayed with me.

Now many years later I've got a few kids and they all love legos and DND. Thankfully, though I stopped building with the legos for years, I kept my collection. My wife even likes building them too, so we do the bigger modular sets together. On the DND side my son creates various characters, my daughter is asking me about mythologies, gods, their alignments and memorizing the Monster Manual. As for me, my prefered mini's for DND combat are lego minis. I don't have to paint them and if folks want to customize I have enough minifigures they can mix and match till they get the character they want :)
This is very similar to my own experience, except that I never put down the LEGO--it was far too valuable of a creative outlet for me to ever give up, much like gaming is. I worked in a LEGO Store for a year and a half, and now I write a blog about RPGs and LEGO, often discussing both in the same column. :ugeek:

My wife didn't like LEGO as a kid (it was one of her little brother's weird hobbies), but seeing me use them for RPG minis eventually got her hooked on building with them as well.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Cedric » Wed Jul 26, 2017 2:54 pm

xoronthran wrote:Hello fellow Mystaraphiles. I have been struggling for a long time with guilty feelings whenever I spend time on D&D. My family, non-gaming friends and probably most of society don't have a high opinion of gaming and judge it as immature (Peter Pan syndrome?), a waste of time and only for losers. So I have hidden my "dirty habit" for a long time.

Just wondered if anyone else could relate their own experiences to this and perhaps how you have dealt with it.

Regards
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Boddynock » Wed Jul 26, 2017 3:38 pm

For a long time my parents, strictly my mother, had banned Dungeons & Dragons as she had bought into the hype of the satanic panic of the 80's. I had to wait until I had my own job and could buy things on my own. Surprisingly D&D was banned, but I could sneak in World of Darkness (the NWOD material that came out in the 2000's) because 60 Minutes didn't do a cover story on it. Later on I got the 3.5 edition in which I was told I'd catch hell if I joined a cult over this stuff.

I eventually found a gaming group and had a session over at my house. Once my parents, especially my mom saw that all we were doing was sitting around a table describing stuff and throwing dice they accepted it. They think it's a little silly, but there are always worst ways to kill time. You could be a barfly, sitting at the counter going through drink after drink alone. At least your mind is getting exercise and you are enjoying company, even if a rules argument breaks out.

Nowadays I also run a D&D session for my job at the local library. I was very pleased when a parent came up and thanked me for helping provide this service for her daughter. I take great pride and comfort in thinking that hopefully such stigma is slowly slipping away, at least the part about this game being satanic and all that.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by oleck » Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:30 am

Not at all. You can see it on difrent way. But if you think of it as a hobby its ok. Now I once told my wife, do you prefer i go to drink with my friends or to go to strip clubs? And the awnser was "please play D&D". The dificult part is finding other player if you dont have a group. But i recomend you start a facebook group trying to find players at your comunity. Sometimes you can go to comic stores and tray to talk to guys there. What i did was at a comic convetion i ask permition to play an exhibition game. Now ill start to make a facebook group where i will invite all my old players that maybe now they dont play, but maybe they know other ex players so they can invite them and you make a chain. Other thing that resulted with me was recomending TV Serie Stranger Things and after that talk to peoples about the game.

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Ashtagon » Thu Jul 27, 2017 10:35 am

Isn't folks who make you feel guilty about playing D&D what the mind bondage spell is for? :P
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by RobJN » Thu Jul 27, 2017 4:42 pm

Ashtagon wrote:Isn't folks who make you feel guilty about playing D&D what the mind bondage spell is for? :P
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by oleck » Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:26 pm

Jajajaj

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by ghendar » Thu Jul 27, 2017 7:00 pm

Yaztromo wrote:
willpell wrote:I think about how many third-world families could eat for how long on the amount of money that gets thrown into a Kickstarter board game, simply to fill it with cool minis, when carboard chits used to be entirely sufficient for the needs of old school gamers.
Do you have the same feelings when you buy a car, go to a concert, buy your shoes or groceries, etc. or it is different when you support a KS?
End D&D gamer privilege :lol:

Good god. Are we supposed to feel guilty about everything in the world today? :roll:
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Silverblade-T-E » Fri Jul 28, 2017 5:11 pm

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by willpell » Sat Jul 29, 2017 7:27 pm

Yaztromo wrote:
willpell wrote:I think about how many third-world families could eat for how long on the amount of money that gets thrown into a Kickstarter board game, simply to fill it with cool minis, when carboard chits used to be entirely sufficient for the needs of old school gamers.
Do you have the same feelings when you buy a car, go to a concert, buy your shoes or groceries, etc. or it is different when you support a KS?
I don't buy cars, and have only gone to like 3 concerts in my life. Both of these are highly extravagant, although the car might be necessary for practical reasons. Shoes and groceries are definitely practical needs. They might be overpriced in the west, but we can't just do without them.

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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Angelika Tatsu » Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:23 am

I've dealt with a self-destructive cycle over gaming. I am a gamer in my heart, but my head is always at odds with with my heart. It's no secret that I am a gamer, I've never hidden it away from anyone that I'm into it...but I do lament the things I've done because of it. I refuse to go into the details of what I did.

I'm always in this cycle of wanting to get rid of gaming books, sometimes some of them which I have done and at times I want to chuck the whole kit and caboodle...which proves impossible.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by shesheyan » Tue Apr 17, 2018 12:39 pm

My parents gave me a Basic box for Christmas. I've never hid it. People have told me it was childish to play D&D (and other games) several times. Never let them influence me. Gaming always had a positive influence in my life. It helped me push through some rough patches. There were times were I played less because real life got in the way but I always come back to it as soon as I can.

If there is one thing I would feel guilty about is buying more games and miniatures than I need or have time to actually play. But I've gotten better over the years at controlling this and I've sold my excess gaming baggage.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by rendclaw » Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:44 am

I started playing D&D in 1981, at the age of 12. I never felt guilty about it, though my obsession with the hobby led me to petty crime at points. My family did not have a problem with it until my brother was killed in 1986, after which my mother and future stepfather became born-again Christians. By this time I had met my best friend in freshman year in high school, who was just as much a D&D nerd as I was, and I was hanging out with him all of the time.

Cut ahead to about 1991, when I was hanging out with a gaming group, and I was one of the oldest in it at 22. One day I invited my friends over to play D&D, and my stepfather decided to raise a stink about it, because it was the "work of Satan", along with all of the heavy metal music I was listening to. To my shock and anger, my mother backed him up, and it was at that point (along with being mugged about a block from my house) I decided to leave my hometown and I did, two years later. My best friend was kind enough to run down the majority of my D&D stuff, some of which did not survive the move my parents made shortly after I left.

My point is at some point in your life, you need to stop explaining or defending what you like. As long as you are not harming yourself or anyone else, you are free as an adult to pursue whatever hobby you have, and its on you to not allow yourself to be judged for it. If someone wants to belittle you or put you down because you play D&D (something that is becoming less and less likely these days as it becomes more popular and mainstream), just make a concerted effort not to let that person's words affect you negatively, because in this country, people want to sit back and take shots and other people instead of handling their own crap, because its easier to do.
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty being involved in D&D?

Post by Khedrac » Wed Apr 18, 2018 10:16 am

I have never had any problems or shame about playing D&D - and I have been playing since about 1974 as a teenager.
I think it helps that the "Satanic panic" never really made it across to the UK - my parents who were both committed Christians supported me in my choice of hobby, even though they never really undertood it (they tried playing Gamma World with me at one point, but the fact that I was very new to RPGs then probably didn't help). At university I found some misconceptions about what D&D and RPGs were, but no unthinking condemnation (and I was even doing Live-Action RPG at that point).

Since leaving university I found that someone I was in a postal wargame (MERP) with was also a Christian, but he was thinking of abandoning the hobby - we became good friends (he hosts most of my campaigns, and DMs some of them) and through my support as another Christian gamer he has kept both his hobby and his faith.

Now, mainly at University, I read a fair bit about the "Satanic panic", but it seemed to be a "Southern USA" phenomenon, and never made me ashamed (more like surprised by how unthinking some people can be).
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